A Dirty Games Night: Cards Against Humanity!
by georgelouisanddragons
Summary: When Lexie finds a pack of Cards Against Humanity in the locker room, it becomes a roaring (and dirty!) games night at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. Hilarity ensues. Cristina is at her most witty and sarcastic, Meredith and Lexie have a sibling rivalry, Callie and Arizona are enjoying a flirty evening and Mark is as dirty as always!


**This is sort of a spin off and related to my previous story, We Met Under Flickering Stars starring Arizona and Callie. It provides the backdrop as to why and how this crew is having a Cards Against Humanity games night. Think Apples to Apples.  
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** And I said dirty. So it might (will probably) offend! Or be lots of fun... ;)**

**Enjoy and please review! **

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><p>"<em>An erection that lasts longer than 4 hours<em> won! What?!" Lexie spluttered in disbelief, her cheeks rapidly burning a bright, rosy hue.

"If you're having an erection for that long, society clearly fucked up somewhere," Meredith grinned, passing Mark the black statement card. "**What marks the beginning of the end?** Not a _sad hand job_, _assless chaps_, _not reciprocating oral sex _or _sex goblins with a carnival penis_. Has to be _an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours_!"

"Society also fucked up somewhere if there's _sex goblins with carnival penises_ running around. I mean, what would that even look like?" Lexie adamantly argued.

Meredith laughed. "I think society would try for the erection first and that's probably why sex goblins with carnival penises would be running around after."

"Yep, just one of my many talents- OW!", Mark rubbing his right side where Lexie elbowed him, "...even the great Mark Sloan couldn't pull that off!"

"If that's the case, you need to go see a doctor," Meredith giggled.

"Okay everyone, I'm next to be judge." Arizona drew a black statement card and attempted to stifle her amusement.

"I am going read out the question and then everyone hands me one of their choices. **Man, this is bullshit. Fuck_!**" Arizona states.

"Lexie, this game was a great find in the locker room!" Mark boomed, sliding his card face down towards Arizona and drawing another white card from the fresh pile to add to his hand. This was frantically followed by the rest of the group- creating a haphazard, collective pile of naughty white cards in front of the Pediatric surgeon.

"Here I go, I'm going to read out all the answers! **Man, this is bullshit. Fuck_!**

"_Britney Spears at 55! ..._Hm, not a sight I think I want to see," Arizona giggled.

"_Surprise Sex!_ "

"_Justin Bieber_!... I think Canada should take him back," Arizona sighed.

"_Wifely Duties!" _

"_Or..._," Arizona arched an eyebrow and read,"..._PRAYING AWAY THE GAY_!" Arizona threw her head back and laughed. "This card wins!"

"Of course it did! Thanks baby." Callie grinned, picking up the black statement card as her prize.

"Weren't you the one that screamed this phrase down a hallway of terrified doctors and nurses?" Arizona's lips curled. "The hall way definitely emptied quickly afterwards!"

"Yes, and I stand fully behind the outburst." Callie chuckled.

"I'm always fully behind you Callie, " Arizona mischievously smiled, "...and it's your turn to be judge, honey."

Callie chuckled at Arizona's playful comment and drew a new black statement card.

"Okay everyone, **what will always get you laid?**" Callie asked, with a roguish wink.

"Yes! I have the perfect card." Arizona exuberantly declared.

Cristina groaned, throwing her cards down in front of her. "Well, I'm out of the running."

"You don't know that. You haven't even put down a card!" Callie assured her.

"I've known Callie for a while, I know what gets her going." Mark mischievously winked. "Blondie, you have some stiff competition."

"Not even Mark," as Callie rolled her eyes. "Everyone in?" Collective nods from the group.

Callie chuckled as she picked up the pile of unadulterated cards and sifted through them in her hands. "Ooh...hm. Good choices! **What will always get you laid?**"

"_Axe body spray."_

"_Stephen Hawking talking dirty._...oh my gosh, what would that even sound like? Let me put my planet in your black hole?" Callie giggled.

"_Being a MOTHERFUCKING sorcerer."_

"_Friends with benefits."_

"_Powerful thighs_...that can like, crush watermelons?" Callie mused. "Damn!"

"Hm. So many good cards, but I have to go with..._BEING A MOTHERFUCKING SORCERER_!"

"See? Told you. Girlfriend trumps room mate. Everytime." Cristina grumbled, shaking her head.

Callie smiled and grabbed Arizona's hand, gently entwining their fingers together and giving her a loving gaze. Callie winked. "That's what got me laid, thats for sure."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Get a room! Let's move on, so I can win in the next round."

"As if." Meredith laughed, waving a card in front of Cristina's face. "I just picked up a really good card."

"Let me see." Cristina leaned over Meredith's shoulder. "Oooh, that is a good one. But don't

waste it on the man whore to our right."

"Hey, those days are over! Lexie here, she's the one," Mark retorted.

Cristina snickered with a small smile. "No, I'm pretty sure that just means you picked up another woman with her heart in her vagina."

"Hey! I just said that earlier to her today!" Meredith laughed, raising her hand to give Cristina a high five.

"Excuse me, thats...that's not true! I do not have...my heart is not in my...!" Lexie incoherently spluttered.

"...and that's something about Little Grey I didn't want to know," Arizona sighed."Guys, leave her alone. Mark, what's the question?"

**"Why do I hurt all over?"** Mark roared, reading off of the black statement card with dramatic flair.

"Who put down these cards in the last rounds, _powerful thighs and wifely duties_? They're not very funny," Meredith knowingly smirked.

"I just have a different kind of humour than you do. I'm not so dirty." Lexie retorted, her cheeks a bright cherry red.

Cristina scoffed."Yeah, this one is almost as innocent as _Kepner_."

"Okay! Is everyone in? I'm reading them out! **Why do I hurt all over?**" Mark enthusiastically declared.

"_Spontaneous human combustion."_

"_Testicular torsion..."_ Mark slightly winced.

"Did you see that wince? Seems like it's happened to you before or you had experience in that area..." Cristina smirked.

"Nope, definitely not." Lexie furiously shook her head, hiding behind her cards. "Nope, never."

"Just wincing for the poor guy that has to experience that. I'm sure he would be in a lot of pain..." Mark painfully grimaced.

"A huh...you just keeping saying that," Callie knowingly grinned.

Mark swiftly glared at Callie and continued, "..._Panda Sex."_

"_Nipple blades..._Ha! That's hilarious! Ahh! Coming down from the sky! It's raining..._NIPPLE BLADES!_" Mark lightheartedly laughed.

"Don't pick that card- it's not mine. Though it's really funny" Cristina asserted.

"Really, it isn't?" Meredith cracked up in amusement.

"Really," Cristina insisted with a small smile.

Mark arches his eyebrow. "..._Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up. _Huh. Effective."

"Has to be..._NIPPLE BLADES_!" Mark cheered.

"Thank you, I'll be collecting my black card now. Who says reverse psychology doesn't work?" Cristina smirked. "Okay, who's next to be judge?"

Meredith grinned. "Lexie."

Lexie picked up a new black card. **"Why am I so sticky?"**

Cristina gave Meredith a slight side glance and giggled. "I think you should use that card now."

"On Lexie? No way, I'm waiting for you to be judge! " Meredith smirked."Though it would totally win this round..."

"Hey, that's cheating! You ladies can't do that- that wouldn't be fair!" Mark barked.

"It doesn't matter. She knows I'll pick the card. Might as well show me the card." Cristina shrugged.

"Play to the person Mark! They just have this twisted sisters thing going on," Callie grinned. "Just play cards that are dark and twisty."

Cristina and Meredith shoot Callie a questioning glance.

"Whaat?! That's what Owen and Derek calls you two," Callie defended, drawing a deep breath.

Cristina shrugged and looked back down at her cards. "Don't care."

"Whatever." Meredith replied, focusing back down towards the cards in her hand.

"I don't know what to put down. Ehh, I'll just put down this throw away card," Cristina shrugged.

"Hey! I want you to play this round...don't give me your throw away cards!" Lexie retorted.

"What?! I don't have any good cards in my hand. Got to get rid of something and might as well be on you. You'd probably pick it anyways." Cristina snorted.

Lexie picks up the growing pile of naughty cards in front of her.

"Okay..." Lexie fans out the selection. "Hmm...**Why am I so sticky?**"

"_A Super Soaker full of cat pee."_

"_My collection of high tech sex toys..."_

"She wishes, Lexie doesn't have any!" Meredith teased.

"Meredith!" Lexie looked up and glared. "Really?!"

Lexie continued, "_...a zesty breakfast burrito."_

"_Spectacular abs."_

"_...When you fart and a little bit comes out_. Ewww!" Lexie blanched a little.

"Hm, these are all so funny! But...I like...SPECTACULAR ABS!" Lexie laughed.

"You're sticky because of Mark's spectacular abs?" Meredith badgered, collecting the black statement card.

"What?! That...that...has never...!" Lexie defended, furiously shaking her head as a raging crimson overtook her face.

"Ouch! Lexie, that hurts. I thought we shared something special, like our _collection of high tech sex toys_," Mark playfully pestered.

"Mark, not you too!" Lexie spluttered, as Mark apologetically wrapped his arms around her and chortled wholeheartedly.

"Okay, Cristina's up!" Callie gleefully announced.

Cristina draws a black statement card. "**Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _?**"

"Time to play my card!" Meredith cheered.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Callie giggled, slamming her choice card onto the table.

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><p><em>Author's note:<em>

**_Leave me a review? :)_**

_What is everything putting down for Cristina's turn? What is Meredith's secret card? Stay tuned!_

_This was a very fun story to write! How do you like it?_

_I tried to try a different style of writing- simply focusing on the dialogue and really bringing out Cristina's dry wit and twisted humour, Meredith and Lexie's playful sibling relationship, Mark being dirty as always and Callie and Arizona's flirty relationship._

_It was fun being able to strip away heavy descriptions I do favour and just have an easy, dirty and fun games night!_

_Cards Against Humanity is created and owned by Cards Against Humanity Co. Fictional, Shonda Rhimes' brain child characters are playing under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 2.0 license. It's an actual game and can be downloaded for free on their website. Seriously, it's fun._


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